Alex

Hey guys. I'm writing a young adult novel about a home-schooled girl who is going to high school for her first time as a junior. She has a dark past as her father was abusive. In high school, she meets one boy who becomes her best friend and another one who has a dark past as well. At the end of the book, the girl is going to end up with neither boy and she's just going to be happy and content with her other friends.

Help: Am i being cliche with what I wrote? Any suggestions to change it? How can I make better character development?

“Avert your eyes, baby girl. Don’t watch,” my mother used to say, comforting herself as well as trying to comfort me.

Now in the hallways of a new school, new faces, Jayla tried to fit in, to blend with everyone else. She walked swiftly, head down as to not make eye contact with anyone.

Getting up this morning was the hardest part; she knew it would be. Her sisters had all warned her about the dangers a new school, especially high school held. Jayla had been homeschooled ever since kindergarten so starting school in her junior year of high school was nerve wracking, even for a strong willed girl like herself. Trying not to think about those things, but frozen with unwanted fear, Jayla straightened her honey brown hair, pulled on her high-waisted skirt with her peach tank top, and slid into her gladiator sandals. Carefully applying all of her make-up, she stood before the mirroring examining her reflection before heading out to wait for the rickety school bus.

Back at school, Jay tried to make herself look as good as possible so that so much as a stray hair was not out of place for more than two seconds.

Jayla was smoothing out her skirt when someone bumped into her. She glanced up. His hazel eyes were staring into her own, secretly analyzing her. Mystery Man was tall, but not lanky; buff, but not overly bulging. His hair was darker than her Duke University sweatpants, and when he smiled, dimples formed on his smooth cheeks. Even though it was summer he had on a jacket that claimed that he was Class of 2012 and that he played football.

“Oh my bad pretty lady.” His voice was like honey, sweet and smooth.

“It’s okay,” Jayla said, surprised that he even said something to her. She straightened up and looked down at the floor, concentrating on the blue and red tiles.

“Hey, are you new here? I’ve never seen you before.” A smile spread across his rosy cheeks and those dimples reappeared.

“Yeah I am. It kinda sucks.” She let out a nervous laugh.

“Well now you at least have on friend. I’m Jake. Nice to meet you.” Jake now extended his hand and Jayla could see scars intertwining as they scaled up his fingers and down his palm. Her eyes lingered there for a little too long. Covering it up as to not draw attention, she took his hand politely and shook with a firm grip.

“I’m Jayla. Thanks for being so nice,” she said, the southern twang appearing in her voice.

“No problem. If you ever need anything, just ask.” Jake started to walk away, but Jayla caught up to him.

“Actually, could you tell me where room 271 is? I think I’m lost.” Jayla had no idea why Jake was being so nice to her and it surprised her because her sisters always warned her about football players. This one didn’t seem to be like the ones that they described, not at all. *****


 * Along the hallways, they walked past the cafeteria full of buzzing bees that were really just noisy rambunctious students, tired hungry, and complaining. Past classrooms already filled with eager teenagers ready to learn, they continued on. While on their way to 271, Jake pointed out the cliques: jocks, preps, sluts, nerds, emos, and losers. At least, that was what he had labeled them as anyway. As he was explaining them, Jayla couldn’t help but think that labels were stupid. People were people no matter who they were. James Patterson High School was different then she had expected. For one, it was a lot bigger with teens and teachers everywhere so that the inside of the school looked the mall on Black Friday. For another, people seemed to be a lot nicer than she thought. Jayla assumed the kids would be rude and taunt her for being the new girl, but every time she looked at someone, they smiled. Homeschooling was a hell of a lot different and in some ways she wanted to be back under her covers, sleeping for another two hours before her mom would wake her up to start the four hour school day. But Jay knew that if she didn’t go to a public high school, or any high school for that matter, she would be sheltered and cooped up for the rest of her life. She wanted real friends, ones that she actually could choose. And she wanted a taste of reality, of “the real world.”**


 * “Here we are. English, huh?” came a guy’s voice beside Jayla and she quickly remembered that was at school and the guy talking to her was Jake.**


 * “Oh, right. Thanks.” Discombobulated, she went to step inside the room, but a hand fell on her shoulder before her feet had the chance to move.**


 * “How about you come eat lunch with me and my friends today?” Again, the voice came from Jake, polite as ever although Jayla couldn’t figure out why.**


 * “Sure, I guess. I mean I was planning on eating in the bathroom since that’s what I’ve always seen the new girl do in movies.” She laughed at her own joke. Dimples made small indents in his cheeks as a smile spread across his perfectly smooth face.**


 * “You are one funny girl Jayla…” Jake was indicating that he didn’t know her last name.**


 * “Oh, it’s Montgomery.”**


 * “Well, Jayla Montgomery, I will see you at lunch.” Jake flashed that jaw dropping smile once more before he turned to leave.**


 * “Wait, how am I supposed to know where you eat lunch?” This was getting crazy. How could Jayla’s day start out with her actually making a friend? She was surprised.**


 * “I’ll meet you here after class is over. Don’t worry Montgomery. I got you.” And with that, he turned down the next hallway without a backward glance leaving Jayla standing there shocked.**
 * A loud, high beeping noise above signaled there was two minutes until class would start. Jayla turned toward the room and when she looked in, she noticed everyone’s confused stares focused at her. Ignoring them, she slipped into a seat at the front of the room. It just so happened it was the last seat left. Another longer bell told everyone that the first day off school had officially begun. From behind the rectangular desk right in front of where Jayla was sitting, a lanky balding man stood up addressing the room.**


 * “This is junior English and I’m Mr. Walters. If you’re not here for English, then stay anyway. Who cares,” chortled the balding middle aged man.**


 * No one left the room and after that was taken care of, attendance was called. He got to the M’s and paused before saying, “Jayla Montgomery.”**


 * Since everyone else was saying it, she did too. “Here.” And as she did so, she raised her hand.**


 * “What an interesting name. You already sound like a promising writer.” Jayla half-smiled, pleased with the comment. Writing was her passion. It was her best subject when she was homeschooled, and every time she was mad for whatever reason, she wrote about it. Scattered throughout her room were journals and diaries filled with her past and poems she had written. She was happy that she would be opening her day with the one thing she knew how to do best: write.**

When that annoying buzzing sounded again signaling the end of the class, Jayla stood and slowly walked to the door, in no rush of getting to her next class. She almost didn’t see him until he yelled over the buzzing chit chat in the hallway.

“Hey Bluejay, you trying to stand me up or something?” Jake reached out and put a hand on her arm and she jumped, startled.

“Oh, right. I’m so sorry. I forgot.”

“It happens. No worries. Where’s your next class?” he asked, sincerely.

But she hadn’t heard him. As he was asking the question, Jake extended his hand, revealing those deep, scarred gashes again and Jayla’s curiosity go the best of her.

“I’ll walk you there so you don’t –“

“What are those scars from?” She immediately regretted it.

Jake pulled his hand away and held it at his side. Instead of answering, he went back to the question he had just asked.

“Now where did you say that next class was again?” Jayla thought it was weird that he wouldn’t answer the simple question. She expected it only would have to be a one-word response. But she decided to drop the subject. “Room 805. Anatomy,” she replied. As they walked through the various halls, Jayla couldn’t help but realize that almost everyone Jake passed he waved to. And if he didn’t wave he would actually give them a quick “Hello” or “What’s up?” It was amazing. She had no idea how he could know all of these people with the school being so big and everything. Her sisters would say that he was popular because he was the popular jock, but Jayla felt like that wasn’t why everyone said hello. Jake seemed kind and quick to help out anyone who needed a hand. If anyone were to be the first person that she met, she was glad that it was him.