Second+Song

This song is more ominous than the first it is a rap song with the chorus sung. In this song the main character, Johnny, talks about what the girl lured him into and he becomes more delusional, narssasistic* I can't spell*, and heartless. I'm not done with the end of the second verse so it might seem like its falling apart at the end but I'll fix it later and any suggestions would help. And I realized I stole the first line from lose yourself by eminem after the fact. I knew it sounded familiar haha any suggestions for changing that liine would help too.

this is only the instrumental up to the second chorus I didn't do the bridge/end part yet...sooo much bass media type="file" key="Christian Dior Beat HIP First two verses.mp3" width="240" height="20"---rap comes in at about 21 seconds the main character Johnny would be rapping this

Lyrics:

Yo my arms are heavy and I'm feelin real slow got my mind fucked up and my eyes sunk real low baby said don't you worry it'll be alright soon so I laid my head back and watched as smoke filled the room she had porcelin skin no doubt she was a ten but her breath stunk with death and her eyes stained with sin said she'd give me the world and take me to paradise just give me your soul and sink into my eyes yo the cold felt good too and I didn't know why as I felt my mind slip and I rose into the sky yo she whispered in my ear "tell me what do you desire" "make my problems disappear" so she burned them in the fire everytime my buddies came she seemed to have to go said she had to leave or go buy a little dope they used to say it ain't cool to be runnin round with demons but I told em I ain't runnin I'm just looking for a reason

Chorus:

I can't take this, substance got my feelin weak shakin knees, I can't sleep, baby take my pain from me

I can't take this, substance got me feelin weak shakin knees, I can't sleep, Oh baby take my pain away from me

Verse 2:

Wait, hold up things are now gettin serious one minute sober, the next second delirious could've sworn that I've known not to take two drops of that shit I can't quit but I never wanna stop IT, shrinks the struggle when nobody lives above ya and nobody sinks below ya when your rollin like a hustla them hoodlums and those ganstas and nobody wants to touch ya nobody there to miss you and don't need no one to love ya so if I were to die*from here down I'm unsure yeah lets go with that joke fuck it I'm alive because of her I'm gon float and death would be as glorious as the life I've been livin in givin in, sinnin in sittin back and grinnin in see our bond runs deep matter fact, right to the vein shoots me up with pleasure and then goes drainin out the pain And if that bullet comes know I'm not gon change a thing won't let a bullet stop me cause the world would be the same

Chorus

then some vocal stuff and dropping stuff out putting stuff back in, nothing big....maaaaybeee a bridge, I don't know cause I suck at them